Lesson learned

When my counts came back good one week after my first infusion, I asked about what types of precautions I should be taking out in the world. The doctor said it's great that my counts are good, but I should wear a mask in enclosed spaces like movie theaters and "Stay away from sick people." Certainly my toddler with a fever isn't a sick people, right? Wrong. 

James only had a mild fever for less than 48 hours last week and then was back in action. Unfortunately, I caught whatever it was that she had, only her immune system is apparently a lot better than mine right now because this thing has had me down since Saturday night. Fever, super swollen and tender lymph nodes/neck and the worst sore throat I have ever had in my life. I decided I better go to the doctor today, considering I have chemo in a couple of days and there's no way I'm doing this and that at the same time. I'm glad I followed my gut -- they said I absolutely should call them if I'm ever sick. (Good to know). 

I went to my primary care doctor first. Strep was ruled out, but it's a severe sinus infection. Under different circumstances, I would have waited a couple of days, piled up on my natural stuff at home and waited for it to pass (or at least waited a day or two more to go to the doctor). Unsure about whether antibiotics were the way to go given the circumstances, my doctor ( who knows I hate taking antibiotics unless absolutely necessary) contacted my oncologist, who asked me to come right in to get my counts checked first. Ultimately, they decided I needed antibiotics. So, I'll be loading up on probiotics, Gut Shot,  kumbucha and whatnot in the coming days to hopefully keep some of my good bacteria around.

And, as much as I hate taking them, hopefully the antibiotics will have me feeling better in the next 24 hours. As I type this at 1 a.m. Tuesday, I have no fever, so that's good. Maybe I can get one or two days of feeling good in before chemo. I hate that I have had to spend a few of my "good" days in bed, since that's where I'll be next week. 

One of my best friends from college, Tara, is coming down to sit with me Thursday, so it will be nice to catch up with her, despite the circumstances.  Everyone says the first infusion is the worst and I did have larger amounts of some of the drugs, so I hope that's true. Perhaps I'll be back in action a little quicker this time. 

Claire is wrapping up her trip to Europe, so we're excited to see her this weekend, hopefully before I start to feel too crummy. I continue to be thankful for MealTrain, which is totally saving us. Whether homemade or carry out from one of our favorite spots it's all so appreciated, needed and delicious. 

Other than that, not too much to report. I was getting bloody noses for a few days last week so they checked to make sure my platelets weren't low and they weren't. Just general dryness and whatnot I guess. (And I haven't had one since the day I went in -- Thursday -- so that's good).  

My hair started falling out Friday a bit and by Saturday I would barely tug on it or run my hands through my hair and it would just fall out. So a friend came to sit with James and Daniel went with me for the big shave.  It was definitely not easy -- not for the vanity of it. I actually don't much care that I don't have hair (thank you heat wave, maybe?), but it was one more step of this all being real. One more step of me not blending in with the crowd like a normal healthy person. I appreciate all the compliments I've gotten on my little round head. I have to admit, as I see people do double-takes I see the question in their eyes: does she just have a shaved head or... Funny. I guess once the little bit that's left goes, that question will be answered. I never had the guts to shave my head 20 years ago when I thought about it (you're welcome, mom), so, now I know. 

Some people have asked why I only have chemo every three weeks, so I finally asked. I had mentioned that everyone else I know has it every one or two weeks and was just told "everyone is different" and had accepted that. The short version of why I have it every three weeks is: for my specific combination of factors -- the type of breast cancer, estrogen receptor positive, HER2 positive, etc., clinical trials of the past showed that this was the best course of action. Perhaps every four weeks wasn't enough, every two weeks seemed to have no benefit, etc. Somehow they landed at this dosage every three weeks. 

Considering I was down for the count for almost a week, I said, "But how could anyone do this every week? I would literally have zero decent days before I was back at it." The doctor explained that while, yes that is the case for some, while I have it every three weeks I get the drugs in higher doses than those who have it every week or two. SO, while they are spread out, A) that first week is more likely to be a doozy because of the higher dosage and B) the drugs are still in there doing their job until the next infusion, just not so intensely. That's why I am still really tired the other two weeks and need to take it easy even though I may be inclined to be more active while feeling "good" considering the circumstances. Or may be inclined to, say care for my sick child because I mostly feel normal even though I shouldn't. :)

Thank you for your continued words of encouragement, flowers, cards, calls, etc. I suppose there's no way we can personally thank each person who has contributed to the GoFundMe page (and, to be honest, we don't even know who the anonymous folks are at the moment), but it's been overwhelming (in the best way) to be the recipients of such generosity. Even the number of people who have shared it on Facebook is astounding. Thank you all.